#1 The start

How do we start this? Thats the thought I had 5 years ago. 

Iam fvd student in a bigger city and 23 old now. Back in the days I was 15 years old, went to my local high school and played soccer. That’s been my every day life. In the weekends I met up with friends, got drunk and tried to get laid -aaand we failed every time.. 

I have no idea why we failed. I was an average good looking guy, probably not ugly. I had good grades in school and had decent body. It was ridiculous in my eyes. I was looking at my friends and the situation, what we did, how we did it and I got pissed and annoyed, how the heck can they enjoy this looser life?? 

I walked around with this question for like 2 years and it ended badly when I was 17. That one night I got wasted with my mates. I bought some liquor at the store which I basically drank alone. I got knocked out at the party, fell and passed out. The next thing I saw was light, ambulance and people- I was one the way to the hospital…

In the emergency room, I saw my father but passed out again and had no idea what happened. Everything was bright and people were asking me questions, it was obvious what happened but they kept asking stuff. I passed out again. I guess when I look back again this was one of the sadest situations, my father looking at a drunkard which is his son - I guess he wasn’t even angry but just sad… 

The following weeks were like shit. Poeple made fun of me, my parents blamed me for everything and I just had this looser feeling which hanged on me. 

Again, I thought a lot, how to get out of this “looser” pattern. I wanted to finally getting some respect out there, date beautiful girls and get a socially accepted by people. But so far I usually took the wrong decisions and made everything even worse by each month that had passed since my beginnings when I was 15.

Back then I saw only 2 ways out, suicide and change my shit- but I had no idea what and how.

I stopped hanging with my old friends, I felt a bit betrayed by during the hospital thing and either way they were losers and I never gained anything through them….

That was the point where I changed my life

Tbc soon